Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Thursday Thirteen #3


13 Observations about my dog:

1. She’s very flexible, I mean hey, she can lick
her own ass.

2. She’s my constant companion, she follows me
everywhere I go.

3. I suspect she might be my muse (see above).

4. She’s not at all squeamish – she licks her
own ass.

5. She has the warmest, brightest brown eyes
I’ve ever seen, hence her nickname: Bright Eyes
(yes from Watership Down – the original movie).

6. I’m sometimes worried when she licks my face
as she licks her own ass.

7. Her favorite past time is to dig up stuff from
the ground outside and eat it. *ewww*

8. She smells sweet like candy. (I’m not kidding!)

9. She’s a German Sheperd, which means when she
blows her fur, she really BLOWS her fur!

10. She’s a cookie whore.

11. When I have a bad dream, she always comes
in and makes sure I’m okay.

12. She likes to be near you, but if you try
to cuddle – forget it!

13. Apparently when I go to the bathroom and
close the door, she thinks I’m leaving via the
secret escape pod we call the toilet!




Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!



Tuesday, March 27, 2007

On the Rag #1

Because hey, there’s always something to rag about...

I’ve decided to create my own “must blog” days because I can never seem to find the time and this will force me to make time—well that’s the theory anyway. And so I’m starting off with my new “On the Rag” because there is ALWAYS something to rag about... LOL

I hate bugs!

And I’m not talking about the your average annoying, winged, eight legged, flying, crawling, garden variety. I’m talking about programming bugs, software glitches. The kind that make you want to take a sledge hammer to your computer and smash it into tiny little bits. And then gather up all those bits into a box and toss them into the ocean!

But the truth of the matter is, it’s not the computer’s fault, it’s the developers!

For the last three months, I and Meister E have been working on my other website, Historical Romance Club, dedicated to promoting historical, fantasy, time travel, and paranormal romance. For three months we programmed, we tested, over and over again, fixing programming glitches. Finally we had it all figured out, and three days before the big “Grand Re-Opening” we slammed it onto the website and did a thorough test. Well guess what? Everything went wrong. The Iframes were conflicting with each other, the java buttons were moving as slow as molasses in the dead of winter, and the Ajax was ignoring it’s instructions and sitting at the top of the page overlapping a bunch of other text... Oh, the aggravating list goes on and on... By the end of the first day, I was about ready rip out every single strand of hair on my head! I mean hey developers, why don’t you test your scripts before releasing them to the programmers! Okay, we DID get everything fixed and HRC is running smoothly (no worries there), and I’m proud to say it looks and works beautifully...

But this got me thinking about all the other computer glitches and bugs WE as consumers have to deal with every single day. How many times have you downloaded an update for Windows, and suddenly your computer starts acting screwy, and then three days later Microsoft sends you an emergency patch? Lets take a look at the new Internet Explorer 7, shall we? Ohhh... Ahhh... Yes, it looks great (though it kinda looks like a copy of FireFox if you ask me) but what about all the bloody glitches? It is suppose to be ten times more secure than the old one, which is great, the last thing I’m gong to complain about is more security on the internet. But how well does it work? Almost right off the bat, I had a problem with Google and Blogger. The damn IE7 wouldn’t accept ANY of Google’s or Blogger’s cookies, no matter WHAT I did. No matter how many times I put them on the acceptance list, it didn’t change a damn thing. The only thing I COULD do was turn the cookie controller off, which really doesn’t help in making your computer more secure if you’re surfing the net and accepting ALL cookies. So finally I gave up and had to go to FireFox for all my Google and Blogger needs. And then my computer had a major crash which had to do with IE7, and suddenly I had 13 emergency downloads from Microsoft, which really has to make you wonder!?!?

Whatever happened to beta testing your software, and THEN releasing it to the public “bug” free? Nowadays, the only thing the big and little software companies seem to care about is the bottom line (no surprise there). Yeah, they “beta” test it for a while and make sure the program isn’t going to make your computer explode, but after that, they leave it up to the consumer to find all the glitches. I don’t know how many times I’ve been writing in WordPerfect or Microsoft Word, and suddenly there’s an illegal shut down and I just might loose a day’s work, but it wants me to send and error report back to the company... I’ll give you an error report! @#*%$!

The bottom line is, developers need to start thoroughly testing their software BEFORE releasing it to the public. Come on, start taking some responsibility for your actions and your bug-filled programs and leave the glitch-free results to your customers.

A rant a day, keeps the doctor away! LOL

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Thirteen Thursday #2


Thirteen Favorite Quotes:

1. “Women love being miserable,
that's why men were invented.”
~My Father


2. “Blood is thicker than Martinis.”
~Ray Miland, Columbo:
The Greenhouse Jungle


3. “I hate hope’s guts.”
~Adrian Monk, Monk


4. “Remember, you can’t beam through
a force field. So don’t try it.”
~William Shatner


5. “A writer writes—always!”
~Billy Crystal, Throw Momma
from the Train


6. “There’s more gravey than of
grave in you.”
~Ebenezer Scrooge, A Christmas Carol


7. “That’s right, I did the Iggy...”
~Grandpa Simpson, The Simpsons


8. “‘We are all out of cornflakes
F. U.’ Took me three hours to figure
out F. U. is Felix Ungar.”
~Walter Matthau, The Odd Couple


9. “Looks like somebody’s been down
here with the ugly stick...”
~Chevy Chase, The Three Amigos


10. “I’ve seen the future, and do
you know what it is? It’s a 47 year
old virgin sitting around in his
beige pajamas drinking a banana-
broccoli shake singing I’m an
OscarMyer Wiener.”
~Denis Leary, Demolition Man


11. “The new phonebooks are here!
The new phonebooks are here! ...Things
are going to start happening to me now!”
~Steve Martin, The Jerk


12. “For dark is the suede that mows
like the harvest...”
~Martian Leader, Mars Attacks


13. “At this moment she’s cooling off
like some beautiful volcano that’s
decided not to wipe out a lot of
Italian villages.”
~Robert Montgomery, Riptide




Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!



Thursday, March 15, 2007

My FIRST Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Favorite Erotic Slang by Ingela F. Hyatt

1. Ramstudious
2. Boobifers
3. Cucumber rhumba
4. Spermatize
5. Yasser crack-a-fat
6. Furburger
7. Baloney Pony
8. Beef Bayonet
9. Pork Sword
10. Dangling Participle
11. Humpmobile
12. Love Torpedo
13. Baconbazooka
Links to other Thursday Thirteens!



Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


Friday, March 09, 2007

When is Erotic truly Erotic?

Recently A Knight of Passion was reviewed by Romantic Times (Check out the April issue on page 271).

Here's part of the review:

"Although betrayal and villains play a major role in historical romances, Hyatt's tale is different. The supposed bad guy isn't so bad. The hero is a man of honor willing to die for the woman he loves, and the heroine plays her part well. What makes this story come to life are the emotional elements and the struggle to discover the true instigator of evil."
It's a good review, no doubt about it. But there is just one teeny-tiny problem—RT reviewed my book in the Erotica category. A Knight of Passion erotica? Considering I'd asked for my book to be reviewed for the historical romance section, I had to find out why. I got a very nice reply from the Executive Editor, and she explained that choosing the category is solely at the discretion of the reviewer and editor. And then she pointed out that on my website, I was calling AKOP "Erotic Historical Romance." And she was right. I was labeling my novel an erotic historical romance, yet in my mind, my book is a historical romance first and erotic second. But this category "blunder" really made me think.... Does my book truly belong within erotica?

Definition of Erotica: 1 : literary or artistic works having an erotic theme or quality. 2 : depictions of things erotic. (According to Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 11th Edition.)
Definition of Erotic: 1 : of. devoted to, or tending to arouse sexual love or desire. 2 : strongly marked or effected by sexual desire. (According to Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 11th Edition.)
Okay, I admit my love scenes DO tend to arouse, I certainly don't know to what degree, but one thing I DO know, my book is NOT dedicated to sexual love. Quite the opposite actually, AKOP is dedicated to the turbulent romance between Rianna and Reynard, of which sex is just a natural outcome, and the culmination of two people falling in love and expressing that love physically and emotionally. But is it REALLY erotic?

Before A Knight of Passion was published, I'd written nine novels, all "mainstream" steamy historical romances, using the usual flowery words in my descriptive love scenes like manroot and love chalice. I had a whole notebook dedicated to those "purple" terms, and I even dared to use the word cock to add some spice to my scenes. Meanwhile I was reviewing erotic romances for Historical Romance Club, and secretly envying all those lucky authors that got to use terms like pussy. Why couldn't I use those words? And then the day came when my editor suggested I make my love scenes erotic as I was already 3/4 of the way there... Wow, ME use terms like pussy and cock instead of pulsating man meat and honey pot? What a concept! And do you know what I did? I simply replaced all those flowery terms with more straight forward ones.

Let's look at these examples:

Pre-Erotic:

"Reynard swallowed her cry, feeling the tiny muscles of her love chalice convulse around him, clamping upon his pulsating manroot. Grabbing her hips, he rammed his lance into her. Suddenly he threw back his head, his body stiffening. Thrusting one final time, he came, roaring her name. His hot seed burst forth in orgasmic pleasure. The euphoria rushed through his body, pulsating from head to toe. Collapsing upon her lush curves, he was blissfully and wholly sated."
Post-Erotic:

"Reynard swallowed her cry, feeling the tiny muscles of her pussy convulse around him, clamping upon his pulsating cock. Grabbing her hips, he rammed his erection into her. Suddenly he threw back his head, his body stiffening. Thrusting one final time, he came, roaring her name. His hot cum burst forth in orgasmic pleasure. The euphoria rushed through his body, pulsating from head to toe. Collapsing upon her lush curves, he was blissfully and wholly sated."
(Ahhh yes, NOW I remember why I switched to "erotic".) But tell me, has anyone EVER heard the terms manroot and love passage OUTSIDE of romance? I'm willing to bet that's a big fat – NO! In this day and age, are we as readers so naive and "innocent" that we need to use flowery terms to describe the beautiful act of lovemaking when in fact we are ALL perfectly aware of what goes where and when and how? Has not the line between romance and erotic romance gotten thinner and thinner until it is now blurred? In recent years, I've noticed more and more "mainstream" romance authors making their love scenes more erotic, but are their books placed in the Erotica category? I think not.

This led me to think about other elements of my story, namely the violence and language. I like to be as accurate as possible but without giving the gory details, but no matter how you look at it, killing somebody with a sword is a violent and bloody act. And I'd bet a million donuts that men have been swearing for thousands of years, and wouldn't be surprised to learn that there were caveman grunts equivalent to "screw you" (I'm sure we could ask those cavemen on the Geico commercials, but they'd probably be insulted... LOL).

So I decided to drop the word Erotic from the description of A Knight of Passion, for surely it is so much more than erotic, and came up with another equally descriptive word which explains it all: Explicit.

Definition of Explicit: 1 a : fully revealed or expressed without vagueness, implication or ambiguity : leaving no question as to meaning or intent. b : open in the depiction of nudity or sexuality. (According to Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 11th Edition.)
Exactly! What better way to describe A Knight of Passion—explicit in violence, language, sex and even character development. It implies so many things without actually labeling it.

So now I'm curious to know, when do you as a reader or author think erotic is truly erotic? Is erotic merely the use of a few choice terms in a love scene, or is it something more than that?